How to Embrace Change and Stay Grounded: Navigating the Tides of Transition

When all of the feelings are much larger than they seem like they need to be; when you can't feel or think much at all; when the crying keeps happening; when you have no connection to what it is that you are feeling or thinking...gentleness and self acceptance are the only options.

The Oxford Dictionary defines transition as: tran·si·tion. /tranˈziSH(ə)n/

noun

plural noun: transitions

1. the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.

2. "students in transition from one program to another" Similar: change move passage transformation conversion adaptation adjustment alteration changeover metamorphosis shift switch jump leap progression progress gradation development evolution transfiguration flux mutation transmutation vicissitude

3. the process by which a transgender person permanently adopts the outward or physical characteristics that match their gender identity, as opposed to those associated with the sex registered for them at birth. The process may or may not involve measures such as hormonetherapy and gender reassignment surgery. "she had been living as a woman for eight years at that point and had completed her transition in 2001"
   

verb

3rd person present: transitions

1. undergo or cause to undergo a process or period of transition. "he transitioned into filmmaking easily"

2. adopt permanently the outward or physical characteristics that match one's gender identity, as opposed to those associated with the sex registered at birth. "once the decision was finally made to transition, she was overwhelmed with the support from her immediate family"
   

Transitions are a natural part of life and they often come with changes, adults do not often care much for change. Especially adults who have endured trauma or substance use disorders (many other things too...). I have been in a transition for a number of months now. With the help of an outstanding trauma therapist I began a journey, toward who I am now, just over a year ago. The process has revealed so many things about my life, family of origin, and this story that I call me.

This transition came to a head when my spouse and I travelled overseas. We were taken to a home without our consent (kidnapped). This experience included significant retraumatization through body language, verbalizations, invitations, and isolation BUT constant monitoring. When confronted the abductor denied any undersatnding of what they had done, began telling people that we were demanding, needy, and priviledged. We are indeed privileged and work actively all of the time to amplify, honor and center others. However, the point is that the gaslighting, the public denial, the attempts to reengage as though nothing happened, the rage and outbursts in our direction.

This experience caused a domino effect where my earliest and all trauma was unearthed and so was the abandonment and neglect attached to it.

Upon returning to the U.S. I was catapult into daily re-experiencing, flashbacks, sobbing, and hyper-sleeping. I was able to connect with my therapist and my spouse came with me. When I tell you that I had no idea what was going to come out of my mouth, I really mean it. The pain, sadness and confusion that came was nothing like anythign I had ever experienced before. It took weeks for my mind and body to reconfigure itself. This transition was unexpected and revolutionary.

Within a few days, following the few weeks, I opened my own company, reconnected physically, emotionally, and spiritually with my partner, and was able to communicate a new vision to everyone around me. As all of this was happening the most amazing thing happened, I found a level of grounding that I have never experienced.

Because I stayed with myself, allowed all of my feelings to come through, including rage...resting as often as possible and eating anything that my body asked for I found a level of peace and serenity that I still have right now. As the feeling scome now I stay grounded. As things change and I emerge to become another person I have been able to carry this peace with me. There seems to be little to no reason to engage in a fight with people, places, or things...especially the things that are way beyond my control (which is everything other than me).

So, maintaining the grounded-ness in times of deep transition requires feeling all of the very uncomfortable things, letting the story tell itself, and grieve. This process is the only way to get to the good stuff. The tide cannot knock you over if you allow it to be in charge. Its the same for my feelings, trauma, and grief.

Thanks for reading, in gratitude,

Tiffany