I've been thinking a lot lately about learning and unlearning. I have been looking at who I am today versus who I was a while ago. Interestingly, I am finding that I'm unlearning a lot and as I do that all of sudden I have room to learn new things and change.
There was a racial justice workshop in 2012 that I attended and it changed my life. Here are the steps that were recommended for learning:
Let go of unproductive emotional reactions: I notice and let go of feelings of, embarrassment, anger fear, guilt, or shame that interfere with my ability to listen and grow.
Listen: I focus on understanding what you are telling me even though I am probably having many feelings about what you are saying that could interfere with my ability to listen.
Seek more information: I ask questions to make sure I understand your reaction.
Receive your feedback as a gift: When someone offers information that raises my awareness of internalized white privilege or internalized oppression, I welcome the information as a gift.
Take a new perspective: I try to look at the situation from your perspective. I try to understand your perspective by thinking about one of my own target group memberships.
Problem solve: I take responsibility for identifying ways that I might change my actions. I do not assume that you should or will help me.
Integrating new behavior: I choose different behaviors in the future because I believe it is important for me to do so, not just because I am afraid of being confronted again.
Let's break it down.
I can feel all of my feelings, they have noting to do with the person telling me about my bad behavior. Whatever I grew up believing, probably doesn't belong to me anymore and I can give it back to whomever gave it to me. I need to shut up and listen.
Not matter what my feelings are I need to stay calm and stay in my body so that I can hear everything the other person is telling me.
If I have any questions I will ask. However, I will not ask any questions that help me feel like I look better or feel better. Clarity here is about harm done.
I will accept your feedback as an opportunity for me to challenge what I think I know. I must. celebrate this opportunity.
I will think about how I have experienced oppression or prejudice and I will connect what you are saying to my past experiences. When did I want to be heard and was not.
I will do my own learning and own homework. If I hurt you - you are not responsible to make me feel better.
As I move forward into my new self I will behave differently as I integrate my learning.
What is. the point? Well, my friends, I want to call you all to action. Please practice these behaviors. Please hear the feedback. Please do not expect someone you hurt to make you feel better. Please love more. Please love yourself enough to let go of everything that isn't you and grab on to what is right and wonderful in this world.
More love, not less,
Tiffany
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