Someone asked me just the other day have you been keeping up with your blog? I immediately responded, yes! Then thought for a second and said, no actually, not at all. It took me a minute to realize that I lied. But why did I lie?
It's important to know that most humans lie. We lie because of fear, we lie because we've been doing it so long we don't notice it any more and we lie to impress. I'm sure there are many other reasons this is a non exhaustive list.
Most people want to hear the truth, even if it's ugly. Now, I always say that truth without kindness is brutality and kindness without truth is well a lie.
So how do we deal with our need to be seen a certain way, manage our fear, or deal with an ingrained pattern of communication?
Accept that people want to hear what we have to say and that our truth has to be involved in communication or we are erasing ourselves.
Figure out what we are afraid of - are we afraid that we will not be liked, that a lie we've told in the past will come out, or something else? Ask yourself what is the worst possible outcome here if I tell the truth? You cost benefit analysis should include your own peace of mind and what harm it will do to yourself and others if you do not tell the truth.
Identify why you're trying to be impressive. It turns out you've lived this long and you're likely already impressive by telling your story and your truth. It is unlikely that a lie will impress, in fact when you meet people who have a good BS meter, you will not impress them they will immediately put a guard up toward you and you will have to work extra hard to gain their respect.
Lastly, if lying has become a habit then you need to take extra steps.
Begin to notice when you lie and how your body feels when you do it.
Start saying out loud "sorry, that was. lie, this is what I meant to say..." most people find it endearing that you name it and tell the truth.
Ask your closest friends and family to help you identify what parts of your own story have been lies. Sometimes we believe our own crap for so long it becomes part of our narrative, when it wasn't true to begin with.
If all of this doesn't help, reach out to a therapist any of them to talk about cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance commitment therapy or dialectical behavior therapy.
In love and respect,
Tiffany
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